Light in Darkness…Tag Him in!

How many time have you heard the expression, “When it rains, it pours”? I’m sure majority of you reading this blog have had adverse occurrences. One thing after another transpires and it appears as if your life is going on a down spiral. You go to Church every Sunday and on top of that, you tithe! You go to Bible Study on Wednesdays, Choir rehearsal on Thursdays and you even pray for your enemies. Despite the lengthy catalog of deeds you’re expected to do, the storm harshly arrives. God never promised your journey would be easy. While you’re being faced with darkness, know that you have the connection to “light” and no matter how many times you have to go on the battle field you will win because of the light you have through Jesus. He purchased the power of God for us. We now have full access to God. Tap into it and use it! It’s your greatest ammunition.

            I believe that from the very beginning of time God knew that we would be faced with darkness, which is why he created light. Light is the power that we need to withstand darkness. In the book of John, his agenda is to prove the Jesus is God incarnate. We are introduced to Jesus with three words, “In the beginning” if you turn to the first verse of the first chapter in the first book of the Old Testament, you will find that same phrase. God created light to fill the void that darkness brought. Light and darkness are metaphors of good and evil, joy and sorrow and so forth. John 1:5 states, “The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood.” “Shines” is present tense, which means in the midst of chaos (darkness) Jesus came to bring order. We have the ability to access the power of God and receive the tools we need to fight destruction. Darkness is inevitable. Just look at the history of American. But, there’s always a solution that evil cannot understand. Light always dispels darkness because God is light and He cannot be defeated.  

            Don’t give up during your trials and tribulations, ask God for His strength. He’s waiting for you to access Him. Look at it as a tag team fight. Even though God can shut ANYTHING down, we’re not robots, he wants us to ask and tap him into the fight! Ask and you shall receive. This is coming from someone who lived in darkness for a long time. I looked to everything but God to fill my voids. Finally, I came to the conclusion that this battle is not mine, but God’s. How awesome is it to know that you serve a God who doesn’t want us to suffer, instead, He wants to help. Stop being stubborn and tag Him in!

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. I hope this blesses someone…hugs!

Instagram: @AshleySylmone   YouTube: Click here! More videos are coming soon!

-Ashley Leslie

 

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Don’t Work, Don’t Eat!

       Constant idleness is not beneficial to one’s life. In the moment, it feels nice to spend time scrolling on your social media feed or lying on your coach eating potato chips and watching television. But, living this lifestyle on a regular basis is not only preventing you from getting essential work done, but you’ll become unhappy and depressed because you’re not progressing in life. Laziness is a spirit. You are destined for greatness, yet, you do not take the time to do what it takes to fulfill this greatness due to laziness. Being consistently idle will eventual lead to depression and embarrassment. You’ll watch your life go by and question what it is you have actually accomplished. Often times, people began comparing their lives to their peers you appear to be living the life of their dream. They appear to make good money from their dream career, have a great social life and an admirable romantic life. Meanwhile, you have several business ventures you want to kickoff, but you just cannot seem to figure out how to start or you lack the drive and courage to start. Let’s get to the root of this issue.

            Firstly, recognize that you may be battling with the spirit of laziness. Please know that God created you to fulfill your magnificent purpose. You will discover different passions throughout the course of your life that you will want to pursue. When your passions are align with God’s will, know that this is the driving mechanism that leads to your purpose in life. The Bible says, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” (Ephesians 2:10, NIV). We are all God’s creation, and we were put on the earth to bring light to this dark world. You have a special and specific assignment while you are walking this earth. Before you were born, God knew the unique path you were going to take to speak the good news to others. From the bottom of my heart, without me even knowing nor seeing the people who may be reading this, I want you to know that you are beautiful and you can achieve ALL things that God has placed in your heart. You just have to START.

            In the 1920s, Psychologist, Bluma Ziegarnick, formulated a thesis based off of her research, in which she discovered that uncompleted tasks will remain on your mind until they have been completed. This is because finishing your task will give you a peace of mind, whereas an unfinished task will cause anxiety due to the intrusive thoughts you will have until you decide to finish your assignment. You ever wonder how it is one can spend their entire Saturday binge watching their favorite show? It’s mostly because of the cliffhangers at the end of every episode. It makes the viewer crave more! They have to know the outcome to the intensifying dilemmas showcased in the jaw dropping thriller. With that being said, the Ziegarnick effect can be used to positively impact your work productivity. Turn off your phone and television, remove all distractions and avoid multi-tasking. The key to productivity is working in focused periods of time. And don’t forget to give yourself breaks!

 

            How to become more productive:

  1. Get to the root of your procrastination and/or laziness. Did someone tell you that you would not be able to achieve your passions? Did you tell yourself that you weren’t worthy enough or that the idea you had was dumb? If you answered yes, counter these scenarios. A lot of times people will try to instill their personal fears onto others. Don’t get me wrong, God will place wise people in your life to help guide you, however, if you know deep down inside that there is something you want to accomplish, DO IT! Do not let someone talk you out of it. If you are doubting your own dream and feel like you’ll be an embarrassment or fail, just think about how much you will regret not doing it. I’d rather try something new and “fail” and/or have an embarrassing outcome then not try it at all and feel like a failure because I never did what I was passionate in and feel embarrassed because all of my peers are progressing while I’m idle.
  2. Make time for yourself. Think about what days and times would work best for you to focus on your passion project, put it in your calendar and set reminders so that you do not forget. Let your family and friends know that you cannot be interrupted during this time because greatness is in the making!!
  3. Invest in your passion project. Go to your local bookstore and purchase books that will give you knowledge in the field(s) you are pursuing, or, to save money you can check out books at your city library. Take courses and go to seminars. There are people out in the world filled with knowledge and eager to help you, ask them! A closed mouth won’t get fed.
  4. Get an accountability partner. Pray and ask God to lead you to someone who can help hold you accountable. It may be a friend, family member, fellow church goer or coworker. They are here to help you and ensure that you are accomplishing your passion project.
  5. Lastly, don’t give up! Even if the outcome is not what you want use what you have learned to help you on your next project, it’ll only get better from here. And remember to remain consistent.

 

       When you feel like you do not want to do the work it’ll take to achieve your goal just know that there is someone out in the world that is waiting on your blessing. You probably don’t know them and they do not know you. God entrusted you with the message to deliver to them, how amazing is that? “For even when we were with you, we gave you this rule: The one who is unwilling to work shall not eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10, NIV). Working hard is extremely important because as Christians we must make ourselves a model for people to follow. Yup, that’s one thing you sign up for when you become a Christian, whether you like it or not. Laziness brings down your confidence and work ethic. Keep in mind that working hard will always bring profit, but too much sleep brings discontentment, embarrassment and shame. When you are lazy you suffer and others do too. Be thankful that God gave you another day to fulfill your purpose. If you don’t do what you were destined to do you won’t see all of the wonderful fruits you can bear.  

Thank you for taking the time to read my blog! Please subscribe and feel free to leave a comment. Also, I’ll be posting new content on my YouTube Channel, stay tuned! Instagram: @AshleySylmone

-Ashley Leslie

 

 

When the enemy tempts…

The devil will tempt you in the same area God graduated you from. I feel like I am constantly being tempted in a certain area. It’s no longer a test. I passed the test, but because I use to be lukewarm in that area, it’s like I had one foot in the door still, the enemy used that to his advantage. It’s wasn’t until my heart was completely purged from toxicity and my mind completely focused on God, I was be able to move on from this repetitive trip around the same mountain.

I was in a “situation-ship” with someone on and off for about 3 years. Now, some of you may be wondering what exactly is that? It’s when one or both of you like each other and you may do certain things that couples do, but your not “official.” In my case I was told that the feelings were mutual, but he just wasn’t ready for a relationship…red flag! I was naive and deep down wanted to be wanted, loved and valued my a man. I chose to lower my standards and settle with this temporary void filler, I still ended up empty because only God can feel that void. Anyways, about a year and a half of conversing back and forth with him on and off, he never made an effort to truly get to know me, spend time with me nor did he want to commit. But, looking back, I’m not surprised, man smell desperation and he only treated me the way allowed him to treat me. He did just enough to stay in my life…the bare minimum. I have no ill feelings toward him to this day, I truly wish him the best because I feel that he’s battling something deep, now don’t get me wrong it doesn’t give men the reason to prey on women, but we as women must be more mindful about who we allow into our lives we have to involve God in every aspect of it, if we open our ears to the Lord’s voice and read our Bibles we’d realize that majority of the people connect with or situations we get ourselves in could have been avoided had we included God in it. If we choose not to and do it our way, it’ll make it so much easier for the devil to creep in and tempt us he’ll use the very thing your struggling with to try to bring you down and sin. But be strong and fight back with scriptures.

First, I want to make it extremely clear that God never tempts us, He does however test us. The test is similar to going to the gym to build muscle. God is stretching us, He wants us to grow strong spiritual muscle if we’re going to be His ambassadors. The testing of faith is what develops perseverance according to the word. James 1:13-15 states, “When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.” God wants the best for us, after all we are His creation. Instead of blaming God for the mishaps in your life, get on your knees and repent to God for the things you are doing that are pleasing to Him, ask Him to align your desires with His perfect plan and to keep you protected from harms way. No one’s perfect, but you must test every spirit and not fall into sin, it’s not worth it.

In Luke 4:1-13, the devil tries desperately to tempt Jesus when He is in the desert. I broke this chapter down so that I could better understand stand it and use it as a tool for the circumstances in my own personal life.

  1. Jesus was full of the Holy Spirit.
  2. Satan attempts to attack/tempt Jesus.
  3. Toward the end of the forty days in the desert with no food, Jesus is hungry.
  4. The devil tries to attack Jesus in the area God is working on Him in – food, by trying to get Him to turn the stone into bread. Jesus remains obedient to God.
  5. The devil tries to persuade with scripture.
  6. Jesus fights back with scripture!
  7. The devil flees.

Jesus is the best example and teacher for resisting temptations from the enemy. If you have the Holy Spirit in you, the devil is jealous, he wants the very thing God has which is..YOU! So he will try his very best to tempt you and cause you to sin to be on his side, he will attack you in the very area you are struggling in or trying to refrain from. With a lot of prayer, God transformed my life, He healed me in the areas I needed healing in. After focusing on the Lord and blocking the guy from my life, almost nine months later the enemy sends him back into my life. This time around I new for a fact this was not God’s will. How did I know? Because this person claimed to be a man of God, heavily involved in his church, but when it came to our conversations I saw NO FRUIT whatsoever. He was driven off of lust and the only time we talked about God and/or church was when I brought it up and he kept that topic short. Then God asked me to list the qualities in him I liked and the things I did not like. There were about six or seven thing I liked about him and about 20 things I did not like. It was clear as day that this was nothing but the enemy trying to distract me from my calling. Think about how much time you waste with the wrong person or at the wrong job. It doesn’t even matter how long you are with the guy it could be 6 months or 3 years. In many instances it is very difficult to move on and have a clear mind because of the ungodly soultie that was created. You spend 6 months in a relations and 2 years trying to get over him.

I say all this to say, be strong. You are precious and your value is estimable. You will know your worth when you know God. When the enemy tries to tempt you, you rebuke him and tell him to go back where he lives…hell! The enemy has no power over you, fight him with scripture and the strength of God and he will flee.

I hope this is encouraging to someone!

Be blessed,

Ashley Leslie

P.s. please check out my YouTube channel and subscribe to my blog and channel. Thank so much! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i8TdGl4Npk

2017 Pinky Promise Conference

pinky promise logo3,000+ women, incredible worship band called the One 1 Way and a lot of Jesus was at this year’s Pinky Promise (PP) conference. There’s no coincidence that this event came at a much needed time. Work had become overwhelming, some friends and family were tiring and not to mention the daily life stresses every human-being experiences on earth. I would like to consider myself adequately equipped to handle the trials and tribulations life throws at me. Wrong! Whenever I acquire a lot responsibilities I tend to neglect spending precious and well-needed time with Most High One. Spending quality time with God should be the main priority in my life, whenever I neglect reading my Word my life slowly but surely begins to spiral out of control. Constantly waking up to anxiety and lack of motivation to get the day in motion prompted me to get on my face before the Lord and lay it all out to Him. God truly wants us to surrender everything over to Him. We think we can handle everything on our own and then we breakdown because we’re missing the key component, Jesus. I didn’t want to go to the conference unless I had invested the proper time with my King so that I can be filled spiritually. Church and Christian events are great, they are similar to going for a doctor’s visit. You receive the tools you need to help you live a healthier life. But, it’s ultimately what you do on your own, in private time that’s important.

The PP conference took place in Downtown Atlanta at the Marriott Marquis. At the conference, I had the opportunity to meet so many amazing people; women who were passionate about living a righteous life and who spent their time empowering other individuals. This is so important to me, I believe as Believers, we are to share love and give a lending hand to others in need. Now, the sessions at the event included the following: book signing with Pastor Cornelius and Heather Lindsey, Worship Experience, Quiet time (learning how to spend time with God), Zumba, Clothing Swap, How to Lead Worship and the Gathering Oasis church service on the final day. Keynote speakers were Lisa Bevere and Lindsey Bussey. The sessions the conference offered were: Marriage Session, Singles Session, Finances, God’s Way, Women in Business, Writing a Book & Publishing it in 90 Days and a Pinky Promise Leadership Meeting. They offered childcare services for parents in attendance and 24 hour prayer.

I always get the question, “How was the Pinky Promise Conference?” and honestly there are no words to truly sum up my experience there. The Holy Spirit was definitely present and I’m truly thankful to God that Cornelius, Heather and their wonderful team chose to be obedient to their calling, they are helping to win so many people over to Christ. Pastor Cornelius preached a powerful sermon on Dying with an Empty Cup. It’s important that we make sure our cup is filled to the max spiritually so that we can pour out onto people and help them in their journey. But, in order to have a spiritually filled cup, we have to empty out all of the toxins, negativity and ungodly ties. Heather gave a message on doing what it is the Lord has created us to do. How can we encourage Heather, tell her how wonderful she does with PP and how she should continue allowing God to use her when we don’t even listen to God in our own lives? Is it that we don’t trust Him? Or do we just fear the unknown? Often times it’s both. We need to let go and know that when we are spiritually aligned with God he will guide our footsteps and do everything in His power to ensure we live out our purpose, but we have to do the the required work once he gives us the call, we have to accept it.

Please click here to check out my YouTube page, I was able to Vlog some of my experience at the Pinky Promise 2017 Conference. To find out more about PP and how to join visit the website here. Thank you for taking the time to read my blog. “I know that you can do all things; no purpose of yours can be thwarted” (Job 42:2).  Even in the most difficult situations, God is working everything out for our good.

Best,

Ashley Leslie

Social Media: Instagram – @AshleySylmone and YouTube – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i8TdGl4Npk

You Are Not Alone: Mental Health Awareness

How many people can relate to feeling unmotivated for work in the morning? It’s as though you have to give yourself a pep talk and weigh out the pros and cons of going in. Your five seconds away from calling in sick and then you decide to go in because you do not want to let down your employer. Or do you know what it’s like to have irrational fears and worries? You overthink every little thing and the thoughts that are driving you insane cannot be dismissed. Can anyone relate to constant changes in their mood? You feel extremely happy and motivated and then sad and unenthusiastic. If you answered “yes” to any of these scenarios, I want you to know that you are not alone and if you are fighting this battle alone I strongly encourage you to seek help from a loved one and/or professional. You DO NOT have to suffer in silence. I was honored to interview my brother and friend, Christopher Merchant, about mental health and identity. Before I share with you our interview, I want to give you a few statistics I gathered during my research on mental disorders.

Mental disorders are common throughout the United States, according to medicinenet.com, “An estimated 22.1% of Americans ages 18 and older suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year.” It goes on to read, “4 of 10 leading causes of disability in the U.S. and the other developed countries are mental disorders – major depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, and obsessive compulsive disorder.” There are millions of people in our country with a mental disorder but that is not your identity. It’s great to know why you’re experiencing abnormal mental, emotional and physical feelings and/or pain, so that you can get treated. Some people need someone to vent to, while others may need prescribed medication. You can still function as a regular human being, I repeat, this IS NOT your identity. Maybe you can use this experience to help other people experiencing similar things. Far too many people are harming themselves, committing suicide or harming others because they did not get the proper treatment they needed. Again, I’m glad I had the opportunity to interview Christopher, I believe his story will help empower so many people.

Chris stated that he was not surprised with the number of people with a mental disorder, stating, “Everyone tends to keep it private in families, however, the stigma is getting better as time changes.” He had gotten to a point where everything felt extremely overwhelming and stressful, causing him to attempt to overdose on pills in hopes of killing himself. By the grace of God he was not successful and he is alive today to share his testimony. Prior to going to the mental hospital to get the necessary treatment, he admitted to fearing the unknown, scared and embarrassed. He was embarrassed because his previous job, the one he had prior to quitting the day he attempted to commit suicide, was assisting youth with behavioral and mental problems. It was his responsibility to pinpoint problems and solutions for certain behaviors. Chris then goes on and says, “Society puts a lot of pressure on people. The [mental] facility helped him with the ‘no one’s perfect’ mentality.” He now wants to educate people and give people knowledge on what it means to be black, gay and have a mental disorder. After talking to licensed therapist and a psychiatrist, he was diagnosed with PTSD (he was already aware of this), depression and Manic Type 1 Bipolar disorder. The staff assigned to assist Chris at the facility helped him see the abnormal behavior his bipolar illness caused. With Chris’ permission, the behaviors included: a lack of sleep, hyper-sexual activity, strong impulses, doing things without thinking it through, shopping constantly worry about money and spending money on shopping and sporadically leaving town alone. He was dangerously living life without acknowledging the consequences that came with such behavior. Chris’ failed relationship also contributed to his depression. Like most of us, he desires to be happily married, unfortunately some of us experience a few unpleasant relationships before meeting our life partner. Fortunately with deep self-reflection and maturity, he was able to accept what went wrong in the relationship and let go of the toxic ties and find self-worth within himself and not in another person. He is fully aware that the diagnosis do not define him, he wants to enlighten people who are quick to judge and be a voice for people suffering in silence. Chris said, “Who you surround yourself with, like-minded and positive people, allows you to do better.” He loves helping people and believes in paying it forward. He chooses to block off negative people and accept the man that he is.

About 20 minutes into the interview, I then go on to ask him how he would describe himself. He smiles and said, “FABULOUS…I’m just me. I don’t like talking about myself, however, I recognize that my personality can be strong, outgoing, easy to relate to and honest. He is now able to spot his triggers, he realizes that he is an empath and as such, he absorbs people’s feelings and emotions. Because at times a lot of people confide in him, it can be difficult to differentiate whether or not the emotions he has is from the people he encounter or his true feelings, but now he’s doing a lot better at it.

Chris enjoys art therapy and being creative. Having something productive to do throughout the day can really help you discover your passions and also keeps your mind from wondering. The facility he stayed a week at helped him tap back into his creative side. The facility was a blessing in disguise for him. He is grateful to have met the staff that were truly passionate about their jobs and friends that he still speaks to today.

During our interview, he was forthcoming about his seasonal depression. Usually during the gloomy and cold months (January, February and March) the depression arises. He noticed that during that period, he lacked interest in baking, art and reading, which are all things he enjoys doing. Having a lack of interest in hobbies you love is a sign that you are not happy and that you should talk to someone you trust about what’s going on in your life. “Don’t’ be afraid and get to the point where you feel really low and end up doing something drastic. Think about your loved ones, take a step back and put yourself in their shoes and know that it’s okay to get the help you need.” Be open to receiving help. I’m sure there are so many people who want to support people going through different struggles, but the person in need has to be open to receiving the support.  Chris closes our discussion with, “I want people to live in the present moment and slow down. I believe I had to go through this. It was a life lesson. It taught me to stop, breathe and take time for myself.”

I always enjoy speaking with my brother. He is intelligent, thoughtful and has a kind-heart. His desire to help people in this world encourages me to become a better person. He is constantly setting goals for himself and currently has a bucket list. The top three on this list are to meet Ellen DeGeneres – he says that she inspires him and loves when she says, “Be kind to one another” at the end of every show. He believes that everyone should take those words deeply to heart. Number two on his bucket list is to have a non-profit: Outreach Mobile Unit to help provide the essential daily needs for the homeless and low income families throughout the community. He’s working towards the goal by feeding and distributing hygiene care packages to the homeless. Lastly, tapping back into his creative side, he wants to learn how to play the acoustic guitar.

It was such a pleasure talking to Christopher about overcoming obstacles in life, uplifting people, and setting life goals. My prayer is that Chris was able to shed light on a topic that is so common for people throughout the world. Please know that God gave you purpose and with Him you can overcome anything!

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11.

Thanks for reading! Please feel free to comment below ways you or a loved one is handling a mental disability, or how you’ve helped a loved one experiencing it. I am a firm believer in keeping God first and I believe he blesses us with loved ones and trained professionals to help us in our times of need.

-Ashley Leslie

Instagram: @ashleysylmone

 

 

Got Faith?

I was slowly fading out out of the world it had seemed. I was here physically, but mentally and spiritually I was missing in action. Life can become so overwhelming at times and sometimes I lacked the motivation to speak to someone about it, cry out for help and fight through it. Why is it that it seems like everything that could go wrong in my life happens all at once. You feel like you’ve been it by a semi-truck traveling 75 mph on the highway. Or like a person who is foreign to swimming drowning in the ocean. What’s the point of vigorously kicking when you know the the inevitable is coming. It’s so easy to believe the intrusive voices in your head. You must realize this is the enemy trying to destroy you. Have faith, you’ll overcome it. God will never give you more than you can endure.

Scripture:

James 1:2-3, Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.

When you’re faced with obstacles and temptations, you must know that the test will create a firm belief in God. You cannot be a weak child of God. The test from God is just to build your spiritual muscle because the world will try it’s best to destroy you, but you have to remain strong and know that because you have the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of you, you can fight through it and defeat and overcome any obstacles as long as you have God with you.

Biblical Example:

Job was elected to endure an extremely tough test of faith, because he was indisputably one of the greatest man of faith. He experienced atrocious disasters, ultimately being stripped of everything he held near and dear to him, including his kids, health and finances. Job was able to prove his remarkable depth of faith by passing his test. He did not blame nor curse God, this brought him closer to God. After all, he didn’t have anyone he could lean on. Not even his other half, his wife, could he seek support from. Job placed his fate in God’s hands.

So I ask you, what are you struggling with at this very moment? Ask God for help and believe in your heart that you receive the breakthrough. God wants to help you, you just have to let go of your plans and learn to trust God even when you don’t understand. It sucks, but sometimes we have to go through hard times because we are to stubborn to include God in our lives unless we need a miracle. Don’t give up. Fight this fight and past your test. True faith is perseverance in the midst of the storm.

I pray that this post was able to help someone, please know that you are alive so you do indeed have a purpose here on this earth.

God loves you like crazy,

Ashley Sylmone Leslie

Social Media Outlets:

Instagram & SnapChat @AshleySylmone; Facebook: Ashley Leslie

 

 

 

An Open Letter to You…

I don’t think you’ll ever know how much you hurt me. You contributed to so much of my reoccurring pain. I thought you’d be different. Because of you my heart was extremely guarded…numb at some points. Just as I was getting over the past and moving forward ready for God you enter into my life. I thought you were my Knight in shining armor. Your love for the Lord stood out the most. Not to mention, your beautiful smile, contribution to the community, manliness and chilled personality. You entered at a time in my life that I needed a companion the most. In the beginning, you pursued me. You were quick to respond, called a few times and asked me on a few dates. I was the one not giving you the time of day. I was the one who was hesitant to get to know you. I was so desperate for attention from a man that I allowed you in, way too soon.

I didn’t know you. You didn’t deserve me so soon. How could I give you something I treasured so dearly? What if you truly were the one? I can’t help but think that I ruined what could have been because of how fast things moved between the two of us. My fruit DID NOT align with what I was preaching. I said I was a woman with standard, morals and values, but I wasn’t behaving as such. Sometimes I wonder what do you think of me? Did you lose all respect for me? I think what hurts the most is that you continue to reach out to me and as soon as I reinvest myself into you, you vanish…disappear into thin air. What are you afraid of? Or do you want to continue to string me a long and mess with my emotions? What’s your motive? I truly believe man are indeed wired differently than woman, but deeper than that I believe there is something deeply wrong with you. It causes me to wonder what happen to you in the past that prohibits you from fully investing in me? Were you hurt? Did someone abandon you? Did your first true love break up with you, leaving you damaged? 

I’ve expressed to you multiple times that I want nothing to do with you. I’ve asked you not to contact me, I’ve blocked you, I’ve prayed to God that I be released from you. For whatever reason, you keep coming back. Why? You probably have a “Top Five” of women that you dispose once you’re bored and get what you want and then you rotate, nothing really surprises me anymore. Every time you come back my heart sinks down further. I think to myself, could this be the time when you finally ask to make things official? In the back of mind I know it will not occur because just like with me in the past, your fruit just does not align with what you preach. I am constantly reminded that you and I will probably never be because there’s so much baggage that we both have from our past that we need to surrender to God. I can honestly say that I forgive you for the hurt I’ve allowed you to cause me. I doubt you care. But most importantly, I forgive myself, for lowering my standards and going against my morals because I was desperate to one day be loved by a man.

I’ve never experienced love. I’ve never been someone’s Valentine. Nor have I celebrated my birthday or Christmas with a significant other. The devil uses this to his advantage. But I am officially done with his foolish games. Thank you Jesus for giving me strength to forgive and find true love in You. I don’t know what’s to come in regards to my love life or any area of my life, but I can truly say that I trust you and know that you have so many wonderful things in store for me.

To the one that I allowed to hurt me, I forgive you. Even though my heart still aches a little from you, I never want to cause harm to you nor will I reveal you. I pray that you forgive whoever hurt you in the past and that you live as the man that God has created you to be. Break the cycle, if you’re not on the same page with a woman that you’re getting to know, don’t lead her on. It causes more damage than you know. I believe that God has amazing things in store for you. Please don’t be afraid to open up again.

-Ashley Leslie